CUPCAKE UNICORN REVENGE SQUAD
I wrote a book. Here are some chapters from it.
I’ve been writing a book for a while now. I love it. Thought you’d like to read the first three chapters. Please excuse the lack of art. The words in bold are notes for the eventual artist. I have no idea if this book will ever see the light of day, but I am happy that these chapters are out there. If you want to read more, let me know!
OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS ITS CHAPTER ONE
PIC: Violet Vex, a happy young girl, dead center of shot, walking through a picturesque town with her three best friends, Molly, Sara and Lucas.
Violet Vex had a great life. She and her Mom lived in Middleburg, which was declared “Nicest Town In the World” ten years in a row by Town Monthly Magazine. Violet was one of the smartest kids at Warren G Harding Middle School. And she had three best friends, Molly, Sara and Lucas, who all lived right on her block.
Violet’s Mom, known to everyone as Professor Vex, worked long hours as chief scientist for Good Honest Industries. It was there that Professor Vex would come up with new gadgets and inventions that would make the world a better place. Good Honest Industries was so nice, even it’s headquarters looked like a smiley face from space.
PIC: It does.
Yes, all seemed perfect in Violet’s world. The only thing she’d change, if anything, was the fact that there was a super villain constantly trying to take it over.
His name was Lymehorn Wedge, and there wasn’t a month that went by that he didn’t pop up somewhere in the world with a bunch of cool super gadgets and try to rob a bank, (not money from the bank, the entire bank) or alter a national monument to look like him, or try to rule the entire world. Behold one of his most recent appearances:
PIC: Front Page of a Newspaper:
Headline: LYMEHORN WEDGE TRIES AGAIN!
Headline: Evil Weirdo Tries to Steal The United Nations
Lymehorn is hovering above the street. He’s a lanky masked guy who really wants you to be scared of him. His gear, however, is pretty cool. He is flanked by a half dozen puppy-sized fuzzy cute spiders. Some have their mouths open, lasers shooting out. Everything around him is circled and labeled.
THAT’S HIM
THOSE ARE WRIST GAUNTLET FLAME THROWERS
THIS IS A JET PACK 100% FUELED BY BAD INTENTIONS
THESE ARE HIS LASER BURPING SPIDER MINIONS
But truth be told, Violet Vex knew she didn’t have to worry. Lymehorn Wedge failed every time he tried to take over the world. He had great gear, but he just wasn’t good at being a super villain. Deep down, Violet actually looked forward to Lymehorn Wedge’s appearances. It was fun to see Lymehorn’s new gear, and even more fun to see how he was going to screw up using it. One time, Violet and her friends watched a live news report of Lymehorn attacking the White House with a sleep ray gun. He held it backwards (even though it was clearly labeled) and fired it upon himself, which knocked him out for two months. Sometimes, sometimes Violet Vex felt bad for Lymehorn Wedge. He was never going to take over the world.
Except that one day, when he did.
WHO’S READY FOR CHAPTER TWO?
I KNOW I AM
The Flying Robo-Ninja-Drones. They were Lymehorn Wedge’s latest attempt at world domination, and they took the air one Wednesday afternoon.
PIC: Violet watches TV, where Ninja-Drones, tiny drones with ninja weapons in each of their six robot hands, that take to the sky by the thousands
Violet was curious to see how Lymehorn Wedge was going to mess this one up. Maybe they’d have a repeat of Lymehorn’s Operation: Mecha-Shark Attack, and he’d spill his soda on the control console, making his robots short out and do a choreographed dance. That would be good. Oh, maybe it would end like his Operation: Super Laser at the Super Bowl, and Lymehorn would accidentally say the exact combination of passwords that would make his weapons target HIM instead.
But this time, Lymehorn didn’t do anything wrong. Everything went according to plan. Within 12 hours, the Ninja-Drones had conquered every country in the world.
Violet watched as the super villain addressed the world on all major networks. He was sweaty, and seemed surprised that he had actually succeeded.
PIC: A nervous Lymehorne on TV.
“T---this w—w--went pretty much exactly as I had planned!” Lymehorn stuttered, clearly lying. He then threw up on a bucket, claimed that was also part of his plan, and continued. “And now I’m going to divide the world among all the other super villains! But rest assured, they may be in charge of specific countries, but I’ll be in charge of them! I rule the entire world!”
Lymehorn Wedge’s next order of business was to rename America to The United States of Lymehorn…but then immediately changed his mind and called it Best Country 5000. At the reveal of Best Country 5000’s new flag, Lymehorn changed his mind yet again and dubbed his country America 2: The New Batch. This new name lasted for 24 hours, before Lymehorn sent out an mass email declaring the country was now called Belgium before millions of people pointed out that name had been used before. A few weeks later, Lymehorn finally landed on Wedgetopia.
Violet’s beloved town of Middleburg underwent the worst makeover in history. It was now run by Lymehorn Wedge’s older brother, chief henchman, second in command, and known bird lover Big Number Two.
PIC: MUGSHOT of BIG NUMBER TWO, a huge guy with a parrot on his shoulder. Both are holding placards with numbers.
Big Number Two promptly changed the name of the town to Two-Ville. He made sure everything in town was Wedge-approved. Violet’s school now taught classes like The Complete History of Lymehorn Wedge. Milk products were outlawed, as the only thing Lymehorn tolerated less than do-gooders was lactose. Sadly, this meant Violet’s favorite dessert place Are You Telling Me This is Yogurt?!? was closed and replaced by the Lymehorn Wedge approved Carrots, Carrots and More (Carrots). Everyone had to give 92% of their money to Lymehorn Wedge. Speaking of money, it now had Lymehorn Wedge’s face on it. All of it.
The world was now pretty awful, and Violet Vex was super bummed about it. But her Mom seemed to take it even worse. She didn’t ever go to work. She barely ate, didn’t talk much and never slept. After three months of this weird behavior, Professor Vex took Violet into the backyard.
“Violet, I’m so sorry.” She said.
Violet had no idea what she was talking about. Her mom pulled down on a birdfeeder in the tree. Violet felt the ground tremble. The lawn itself started opening up, spitting right down the middle, revealing a stairwell.
“What is that?” Violet asked.
Mom looked at her square in the eyes and said “It’s my secret lab. I come here after you go to sleep.”
Violet followed her Mom down the stairs. And what she saw blew her mind. It wasn’t just a lab. It was a multi-floored second house hidden deep underground. And on the walls were blueprints of truly fantastic inventions. Violet figured they must have been from her mom’s time at Good Honest Industries. But then, as she looked closer, she saw they were for things like flame throwers, Laser Burping Spider Minions and Flying Robo-Ninja-Drones. Violet didn’t understand.
“Why do you have blueprints for Lymehorn Wedge’s gadgets?”
“I was his chief mad scientist.” Mom explained. “Good Honest Industries wasn’t a real company, it was just a front for his evil deeds.”
Violet gasped, “But the building looked a smiley face from space!”
Mom nodded. “Villains smile too. I made all of Lymehorn’s terrible, incredible, horrendous amazing gear.”
Violet couldn’t believe it. Mom worked for a super villain?
“I know! And I feel so bad about it!” Mom cried. “But I’d have the weirdest ideas, and he’d give me money to make them! Do you think anyone else in the world you hand me over a blank check to create Laser Burping Spider Minions? I never thought Lymehorn would actually succeed in taking over the world! You’ve seen him on TV, he always messes up! I even included a big red button on the remote control for the Flying Robo-Ninja-Drones. It had a big sticker that said DON’T PUSH that would have made them self-destruct! The DON’T PUSH button is usually the first thing Lymehorn presses! But that day he was distracted playing some game on his cell phone called Veggie Warriors. He got to a new level or something, so he never even touched the controls for the Ninja-Drones and they took over the world on their own!”
Violet inched away from her Professor Vex. This was…this was too much.
“I’m going to make things right, Violet.” Mom explained. “I’m going to make something that will stop Lymehorn Wedge. Until then…we have to hide from him. We’re staying here in the underground lab. But don’t worry, I prepared. I packed clothes, a few toys…and I almost completed my food generator. When it’s done, it will replicate any meal, so we won’t go hungry.”
“Go hungry?” Violet said. “How long are we staying here?”
Mom looked at her daughter and squeezed her hand. “For as long as it takes.”
Violet looked up, getting one last glance at the outside world before the doors closed.
WHOA, THAT WAS INTENSE
BUT I BET CHAPTER THREE IS MORE FUN
Violet Vex hadn’t smiled for two years.
PIC: Same layout as the very first picture of the book, but now Violet is standing in her bunker. Alone. Unhappy.
Truth be told, nobody on Earth was probably having a good time now that the villains had taken over. But Violet bet at the very least, most people got to leave their house. Violet, however, had not step foot outside of her underground bunker for 24 months. She wa
s stuck wearing the same five outfits, and playing with the same three toys: a stuffed animal, a single checker, and a yo-yo without any string.
PIC: A bored Violet sits with a ratty toy, a checker, and a yo-yo.
Also, Mom was never able to perfect the food generator, so it only made it kale. Thousands of variations of kale, all of which did provide nourishment and all of which were awful.
But worst of all, because they had to remain in hiding and have no contact with the outside world, Violet was unable to talk to her best friends, Molly, Sara and Lucas.
So even though it was Violet’s birthday, she was fully expecting it would be just another drab, un-fun day. She took her time waking up, eventually throwing on her robe and sulking to the kitchen. She assumed her Mom would already be hard at work in the sub-sub-basement laboratory, working on whatever device was going to stop Lymehorn Wedge once and for all. But this morning, Mom was standing dead center of the room, a piece of kale with a candle in it…and mom was smiling.
Violet was immediately suspect.
“Violet”, Mom said, “I have a surprise for you.”
“I’m allowed to go out?” Violet said, hopeful.
“No” Mom explained “Lymehorn Wedge is probably looking for us, he’s probably wondering where I disappeared to. And afraid that I’m trying to come up with a plan to stop him…which I am. So we have to stay here a bit longer. But, come with me to the playroom.”
Violet begrudgingly did. This didn’t seem like much of a treat, Violet was allowed to go into the playroom every day. And it wasn’t that much fun, the only things in the room were a wooden chair, her three toys, and some kale that Violet had glued googly eyes glued on in an attempt to make a few more toys. However, today, there was something new: four very large packages.
And they were moving.
And they were giggling.
I laughed out loud a bunch. I want more. Gimme.
Letting you know that I definitely want to see where it goes-super fun! And I may just have to draw some of this, for the obsessive heck of it🙃. Onwards!