SIXTH GRADE SUPERSTAR Chapter 1

I wrote and illustrated a book and all I got was this lousy substack.

During the pandemic, I wrote a book that had been buzzing around my head for literally decades. It was a story loosely based on my experiences in Middle School (or, as we called it back when dinosaurs ruled the earth, “Junior High”). I left spots for the art, along with a description of what the art should look like. But, then I drew the first picture…after all, no pressure, it was supposed to be a sketch done by a little kid. And I really enjoyed drawing it. So I drew the next one. And the next one. And before I knew it, a year or so had passed, I had a long grey old man beard, and I had drawn the entire book.

I love this book. I think it’s really funny. I think most any kid would really enjoy it, and learn something from it, and laugh a lot. And beyond that, if you don’t have kids, if you don’t like kids, you will still laugh out loud at this book. You will root for the characters (maybe not the jerks). It is, and I say this as someone who is not a huge fan of my own work, fantastic.

So here’s the first chapter. See what you think. If you like it, let me know. I’ll put up more. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy SIXTH GRADE SUPERSTAR, written and illustrated (wow, illustrated!) by Brian Lynch.

OVERTURE

In 1986, I started sixth grade.

It was one of the worst years of my life.   I was exposed to some of the most horrible kids in the world.  To this day, certain memories of sixth grade cause me to panic.

It was one of the best years of my life.  I was introduced to some of the greatest kids in the world.  To this day, certain memories of sixth grade fill my heart with joy.

Both of these statements are 100% true. 

Sixth Grade was super complicated.

CHAPTER ONE

It was the summer before I began my time at O’Thomas Middle School and I knew I needed to change.  I’d had a pretty great run at Lincroft Elementary.  I was a good artist, and I loved to write stories.   So, as far back as I can remember, I’d do my best to impress the other kids with comic books starring them solving mysteries or fighting monsters.

This is Karen Desjardins fighting a horde of vampire bats.

This is Archie Weinseimer vs. Frankenstein’s Monster.  Archie especially appreciated how I made it so his character didn’t let his asthma keep him from kicking reanimated monster butt.

There wasn’t a single kid in the Central New Jersey school system who didn’t have one of my originals.  I gave the comics out to everyone, and made sure to sign my name, Ty Bogart, super big so they’d see it and remember.  I wanted my name to be synonymous with big fun.  Was I buying the other kids’ friendship?  No, not officially.  There was no money changing hands.  I was simply doing something that we were both getting enjoyment out of, and reaping the benefits.  

As my last year at elementary school came to a close, I began to notice that my talent was no longer enough to keep me popular.  Athletic prowess was suddenly way more impressive than the ability to draw your classmate kicking a sea creature.   Ben Quinn, a kid with a bowl haircut that made him look like a human fire hydrant, was suddenly sitting with girls at lunch just because he could catch a baseball.  I couldn’t catch a baseball.  I could draw Ben Quinn catching a werewolf baseball, but suddenly my classmates demanded more. 

SIDENOTE: Because I brought it up, and you might be wondering, THIS is a Werewolf Baseball.

Was it a baseball bitten by a werewolf?  Was it a werewolf turned into a baseball by a witch?  I don’t know, that’s not the point (it was the first one). 

Bottom line, being myself just wasn’t cutting it.   It’s fine, I told myself.  I can adapt.  I can evolve.  Truth be told, I could’ve spent the summer training, learning to catch a baseball, or conditioning my body to run faster.  But that seemed like a lot of work that I wouldn’t enjoy.  I had an alternate plan.  If movies had taught me everything (and they had, they had taught me literally everything important I knew at that point) it was that I needed a makeover.  To make everyone like me, I had to change everything about me. 

It was almost too easy.

_____________________

Here’s a link to CHAPTERS TWO and THREE:

---